How I Stopped Yelling and Finally Enjoyed Parenting (And You Can Too!)
Ever feel like a dragon mom (or dad)? Ready to breathe fire at the slightest provocation? I know I did.
Parenting, let us be honest, can be tough. Really, really tough. It is the kind of job that fills your heart with love one moment and tests your patience the next. I used to yell. A lot. My patience was thinner than a supermodel’s jeans after Thanksgiving dinner. And every time I lost my temper, guilt gnawed at me like a hungry badger.
Sound familiar? You are not alone. Many parents struggle with this. We all have those moments where we feel like we are losing it. But I hit my breaking point, and it was not pretty.
The Moment Everything Changed
It was not one big explosion, but a series of little cracks that finally shattered my composure. Like the time my son, then five, decided to help me bake cookies.
He grabbed the entire bag of flour and, with a mischievous grin, launched it into the air like confetti. A soft white cloud erupted, settling onto every surface. The air smelled faintly of raw dough. I could feel the fine powder sticking to my eyelashes.
The kitchen looked like a blizzard had hit. Flour coated everything—the counters, the floor, the dog, even me.
Instead of seeing the humor (which I can now, years later), I saw red. I yelled. I yelled loud.
My son's face crumpled. He burst into tears. And in that moment, I saw myself reflected in his tear-filled eyes, and I did not like what I saw.
But it was not just the flour incident. It was the constant power struggles, the whining, the tantrums, the feeling that I was constantly putting out fires instead of enjoying my child.
I felt like a failure.
That was my turning point. I knew I had to change. My child deserved better. I deserved better too. I wanted to enjoy parenting, not dread it. I wanted to laugh with my son, not yell at him.
I craved connection, not conflict.
So, I embarked on a journey to tame my inner dragon. And you know what? It is possible. It takes work, but it is worth it.
👉 If you are struggling with parental guilt, this might help: The Parenting Advice I Wish I Had Ignored
Small Shifts, Big Impact: Taming the Dragon
The change did not happen overnight. It was a gradual process, a series of small shifts that, over time, made a huge difference.
The Power of the Pause
First, I started with the basics: deep breaths.
Sounds simple, right? Almost cliché. But honestly, it works.
When I felt my anger rising, I would literally stop, close my eyes, and take five deep breaths. Sometimes I even counted to ten. Other times, when things were really tense, I counted to twenty.
It gave me a moment to pause, to create space between the trigger and my reaction.
During the great flour explosion of ‘23, I felt the rage bubbling up. My first instinct was to scream. But I stopped myself. I closed my eyes, took three deep breaths, and said, "It is just flour. It is not the end of the world."
This gave me enough time to calm down and respond more rationally.
👉 Want to build better emotional control? Balanced Discipline for Positive Growth
Identifying My Triggers
I also became a student of my own triggers.
I started paying attention to what set me off. Was it the mountain of dishes in the sink? The toys scattered across the living room? My son’s constant questions?
I realized that mess was a huge trigger for me. It made me feel overwhelmed and out of control. So, I started implementing strategies to manage it.
We started doing a quick clean-up together before bedtime. It was not perfect, but it helped. I also decluttered a lot of stuff.
Less stuff, less mess, less stress.
Another game-changer was learning to say "I need a minute."
This simple phrase became my mantra. When I felt myself getting overwhelmed, I would tell my son, "Mommy needs a minute to calm down."
It showed him that it is okay to take a break when you are feeling overwhelmed. It taught him that emotions are normal and that it is important to manage them in a healthy way.
👉 Struggling with discipline? How to Communicate Effectively with Your Child
The Power of Listening (Really Listening): Tuning In
The biggest change, the one that truly transformed my relationship with my son, was learning to listen.
Not just hearing his words, but really listening to him, trying to understand his feelings.
I started asking open-ended questions, like "How are you feeling?" instead of just "Did you have a good day at school?"
One evening, my son was unusually quiet at dinner. He picked at his food and would not make eye contact.
Instead of getting frustrated, I sat down next to him and said, "Something seems to be bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?"
He hesitated for a moment, then his eyes welled up. He told me that he was nervous about a presentation he had to give at school the next day.
We talked about strategies for managing his anxiety, like practicing in front of a mirror and focusing on his breathing.
By the end of the conversation, he was much calmer. He felt heard and understood.
And you know what? He nailed his presentation!
👉 Helping kids manage emotions? The Secret to Raising Confident and Resilient Children
From Yelling to Laughing: Finding Joy in the Chaos
This shift in my approach to parenting had a profound impact on our relationship.
We started laughing more. Playing more. Yelling? Much, much less.
We even developed a little code word. If I start to get agitated, he will sometimes say, "Mommy, are you feeling a little dragon-y?"
It is a funny reminder for both of us to take a step back and breathe.
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A Message for the Guilty Parent: You Are Not Alone
If you are reading this and feeling a pang of guilt, please listen. You are not a bad parent.
You are a parent who cares. You are trying your best.
Parenting is a journey, not a destination.
Be kind to yourself. Celebrate the small wins. Do not beat yourself up over mistakes. We all make them.
Remember, you are amazing. You are loved. And you are doing the best you can.
Enjoy the journey. It goes by fast.
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