What I Learned About Parenting From My Biggest Mistakes (And How You Can Too)

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Parent reflecting on past parenting mistakes, showing growth, learning, and the journey of becoming a more mindful and understanding parent


What I Learned About Parenting From My Biggest Mistakes (And How You Can Too)

I used to believe that good parenting meant getting everything right—following the best advice, setting the right rules, and making sure my child stayed on track. But parenting is not about perfection—it is about learning, adapting, and growing. And some of my biggest lessons came from the mistakes I never saw coming.

From being too strict and then too soft, to chasing unrealistic perfection, to focusing on routines instead of emotional connection, I have made my share of parenting mistakes. But each one taught me something invaluable about raising a confident, happy, and resilient child.

In this post, I am sharing the hardest lessons I learned as a parent—so you can avoid the struggles I faced and build a stronger, more connected relationship with your child.

📌 Want to improve your parenting journey? Read 5 Parenting Lessons That Make Life Easier.


🔹 The Discipline Trap – Too Strict, Then Too Soft

Parenting is a balancing act. I wanted my son to grow up respectful, responsible, and confident. But discipline? That was a challenge. I kept swinging between too strict and too soft.

At first, I believed strict rules were necessary. Clear boundaries. No exceptions. That would make him disciplined, right? Wrong. He followed the rules, but out of fear, not understanding. The moment I was not watching, he found loopholes.

Then I softened my approach. I wanted him to feel free, heard, and emotionally secure. So, I gave in more often. But soon, he started pushing limits even further. He knew I would bend if he resisted long enough.

Neither extreme worked. Discipline needed balance. I had to be firm, but fair.

🔹 The Extreme of Being Too Strict: Fear Over Understanding

I remember one evening when I had a zero-tolerance screen time rule. Thirty minutes per day. No excuses.

One day, I walked in and saw my son still watching cartoons five minutes past his time limit. I snapped. I raised my voice. I took away his device. I added another day without screens as punishment.

What happened next? Tears. Frustration. A total meltdown.

Instead of learning the importance of balance, he felt I was unreasonable and controlling. Later, I found out he had started using a friend’s device at school to watch more videos. My strictness had not solved the problem—it had only pushed it underground.

📌 Want to handle screen time better? Read How to Manage Screen Time for Kids: A Healthy, Balanced Approach.

I thought I was teaching discipline. Instead, I was teaching secrecy.

That was when I realized: strictness without communication creates fear, not respect.

🔹 The Extreme of Being Too Soft: When Love Leads to Lack of Boundaries

After realizing fear-based discipline was failing, I overcompensated. I told myself, "Let me focus on connection instead of control."

So, when my son refused to clean up his toys, I let it go. "He is just a kid," I thought. When he argued about bedtime, I extended it because I wanted him to feel heard. When he threw tantrums in public, I avoided making a scene by giving in to his demands.

At first, he seemed happier and more confident. But over time, I noticed something troubling:

✔ He stopped taking my words seriously.
✔ He became more frustrated, not less.
✔ He expected instant gratification.

One evening, after letting him play past bedtime again, I found him crying in frustration because he was too tired to function.

That was my wake-up call. He was not enjoying the extra freedom—he was overwhelmed by the lack of boundaries.

📌 Want to find the right balance? Read Balanced Discipline for Positive Growth: Raising Respectful & Responsible Kids.

🔹 The Turning Point: Finding the Balance Between Rules and Flexibility

After struggling between strictness and softness, I knew I needed a new approach.

✅ What I Changed

✔ Clear, firm rules—but with explanations. Instead of saying, "No screens past 7 PM, period," I said, "Your brain needs rest to sleep well. That is why screens go off at 7 PM."
✔ Consistent consequences—but with compassion. If he ignored a rule, I calmly followed through instead of reacting in anger.
✔ Offering choices within limits. Instead of saying "Clean up now," I asked, "Do you want to clean up before or after snack?"
✔ Open discussions about behaviour. Instead of saying, "Because I said so," I asked, "What do you think would happen if we skipped rules completely?"

The result? He still tested boundaries (of course). But power struggles reduced, and trust increased. Instead of arguing against the rules, he started understanding them.

🔹 The Lesson: Discipline Works Best When It Feels Fair

Looking back, my biggest mistake was disciplining from emotion instead of intention. I reacted out of frustration, and when that failed, I reacted out of guilt. Neither worked.

📌 Here’s What I Learned:

✔ Discipline is not about control—it is about teaching.
✔ Children need structure, but they also need to feel heard.
✔ Consistency matters more than being "strict" or "soft."

Once I found the balance between rules and respect, parenting became easier.

📌 Want more parenting insights? Read 5 Parenting Lessons That Make Life Easier.

🔹 Quick Self-Check: Are You Too Strict or Too Soft?

Take a moment and reflect:

✔ Do I set rules with explanations?
✔ Do I stay calm when setting consequences?
✔ Does my child understand why the rules exist?

If you answered NO to any, you might be leaning too far in one direction. But do not worry—finding the balance is a journey, not a destination.

🔹 Final Takeaway

If you are struggling with discipline, ask yourself:

✔ Am I reacting emotionally, or am I teaching intentionally?
✔ Am I setting boundaries with empathy, or am I too rigid/too soft?
✔ Do my child and I have open conversations about rules?

Balancing discipline and flexibility is a lifelong process. Some days, you will get it right. Other days, you will struggle. And that is okay—because parenting is about progress, not perfection.

📌 Related: Read Why I Stopped Trying to Be a ‘Perfect Parent’.


Trying to Be the 'Perfect' Parent (And Failing Miserably)

Before I had my son, I had a vision of the kind of parent I would be. Patient. Always present. Always doing the right thing. I believed if I followed all the right parenting advice, I would raise a happy, confident, and successful child.

"Then, real-life parenting showed me a truth no book had taught me."

I quickly learned that perfection and parenting do not go together. No matter how much I planned, things never unfolded the way I expected. Some days, I lost my patience. Some days, I second-guessed every decision. And some days, I felt like I was failing completely.

But I kept pushing myself to meet impossible expectations. I thought if I tried harder, read more, and followed the "right" parenting strategies, I could be the perfect parent my child deserved.

I was wrong.

🔹 The Pressure to Be Perfect: Where It All Started

I do not know exactly when this pressure to be perfect started. Maybe it was the endless parenting books that promised to solve every problem. Maybe it was the carefully curated social media posts showing happy, thriving families with smiling, obedient kids. Maybe it was the well-meaning advice from relatives who insisted, "If you do it right, parenting should not be so hard."

So, I did everything by the book.

✔ I made organic, homemade meals because I wanted my son to eat healthy.
✔ I kept a strict routine to ensure his development was "on track."
✔ I avoided screen time and felt guilty if he watched even a short video.
✔ I tried to never raise my voice, even when I was exhausted.

But instead of feeling confident, I felt exhausted, anxious, and constantly guilty.

📌 Feeling burned out from parenting pressure? Read Why I Stopped Trying to Be a ‘Perfect Parent’ (And You Should Too).

🔹 When Perfection Backfires: The Breaking Point

One evening, I had a "perfect mom" moment gone wrong.

My son had been refusing to eat vegetables for weeks, so I found a fun, creative way to make him eat them. I cut the veggies into fun shapes, gave them names, and even made up a silly story about a carrot superhero.

At first, he laughed. Then, he took a few bites. Success! I felt like I had won the Mom of the Year award.

But the next day, he refused to eat them again.

I tried everything—more games, more stories, even small rewards. Nothing worked. Instead, he became more resistant, and I became more frustrated.

Finally, I lost my patience and raised my voice:
"Why can you not just eat your vegetables like other kids?"

The moment those words left my mouth, I regretted them.

I had spent so much time trying to be the perfect parent that I forgot to just be a real one. I was more focused on success than connection. I had turned something simple into a battle, all in the name of perfection.

📌 Want to avoid common parenting struggles? Read 5 Parenting Lessons That Make Life Easier.

🔹 The Realization: Good Enough is Better Than Perfect

That night, I sat with my son at bedtime. I told him I was sorry for getting upset. He hugged me and said, "It is okay, Mama. You do not have to be mad. I just do not like carrots."

That was it. So simple.

I had spent so much energy trying to "fix" the problem, when the real solution was letting go of control and trusting the process.

So, I stopped forcing perfection and started focusing on what actually mattered.

✔ I let my son choose meals instead of forcing "healthy" ones. He still ate veggies—just on his terms.
✔ I relaxed my rigid routines and found a balance between structure and flexibility.
✔ I stopped comparing my parenting to others—what worked for another child did not have to work for mine.

And guess what? Parenting became easier. Not perfect. Just easier.

🔹 The Biggest Lesson: Parenting is Not a Performance

Looking back, I realize I was treating parenting like an exam—something I could study for and perfect. But kids are not projects. They are people.

When I let go of perfection, my son became more confident, more independent, and more cooperative. And I became happier and less stressed.

📌 What I Want Every Parent to Know:

✔ Your child does not need a perfect parent. They need a present one.
✔ Parenting is not about getting it "right" all the time—it is about growing together.
✔ Letting go of control does not mean giving up. It means trusting yourself and your child.

📌 Want to raise a confident, resilient child? Read The Secret to Raising Confident and Resilient Children.

🔹 Quick Self-Check: Are You Trying Too Hard to Be a Perfect Parent?

Ask yourself:

✔ Do I feel guilty when things do not go as planned?
✔ Do I get stressed trying to follow all the "right" parenting methods?
✔ Do I compare myself to other parents?
✔ Do I overthink decisions, worrying about how they might affect my child?

If you said yes to any of these, you might be trying too hard to be perfect. But here is the good news—you do not have to be.

🔹 Final Takeaway

Parenting is messy. Some days, you will do everything right, and other days, you will wonder if you are doing anything right at all. But in the end, it is the love, connection, and presence that matter most.

So, let go of perfection. Your child needs you—not an impossible version of you.

📌 Related: Read Upgrade Your Parenting: 7 Modern Solutions with Indian Wisdom.


Neglecting My Child’s Emotional Needs While Focusing on Responsibilities

Parenting comes with an endless checklist—schoolwork, meals, bedtime, chores, discipline, extracurricular activities. I thought if I managed all of these well, I was doing my job as a parent.

So, I focused on routines. I ensured my son ate on time, finished his homework, and followed the rules. I thought that as long as he was disciplined, achieving milestones, and behaving well, I was setting him up for success.

But one evening, I saw something that completely changed the way I viewed parenting.

🔹 The Wake-Up Call: When I Realized I Was Not Truly Listening

One night, I was rushing through bedtime like always. We had a routine—bath, dinner, a quick story, and lights out.

As I was tucking my son in, he whispered, "Mama, I feel sad today."

I was exhausted. It had been a long day. My first thought was, "We can talk about it tomorrow. Right now, you need to sleep."

But something stopped me. His voice sounded different. Softer. Like he was waiting for me to really listen.

I sighed and asked, "Why do you feel sad?" expecting a small issue. But what he said next broke me.

"I feel like you are always busy. You tell me what to do, but you do not talk to me like before."

I felt my heart sink. I had been so focused on "managing" him that I had forgotten to connect with him.

📌 Want to build a deeper bond with your child? Read How to Communicate Effectively with Your Child: Building Trust and Understanding.

🔹 When Routine Replaces Emotional Connection

Looking back, I realized I had been treating parenting like a checklist.

✔ Make sure homework is done.
✔ Ensure he eats healthy.
✔ Limit screen time.
✔ Enforce discipline.

It all seemed right. But my son was feeling emotionally disconnected.

That moment forced me to ask myself: Was I raising an obedient child, or a happy, emotionally secure one?

I had thought that a well-disciplined, structured life would lead to long-term success. But what good was structure if it made him feel unheard, unseen, and unimportant?

📌 Want to raise confident kids who feel secure? Read The Secret to Raising Confident and Resilient Children.

🔹 What I Changed: Learning to Prioritize Emotional Needs

That night, I made a decision—no matter how busy I was, I would start prioritizing connection over just responsibilities.

Here is what I changed:

✔ I started listening more. Not just hearing but really listening when my son spoke. Instead of dismissing small worries, I let him express them.

✔ I created special connection time. Even 10 minutes of undivided attention—talking, playing, or just sitting together—made a huge difference.

✔ I asked open-ended questions. Instead of, "How was school?" I started asking, "What was the best and worst part of your day?"

✔ I let go of perfection in routines. If we spent extra time talking, bedtime could wait a little. If homework was taking longer, I stopped rushing him.

The change was immediate.

My son started sharing more, expressing more, and even cooperating more. He became more open and relaxed, and I could feel our bond strengthening.

📌 Want to create a secure, loving environment for your child? Read Balanced Discipline for Positive Growth: Raising Respectful & Responsible Kids.

🔹 The Biggest Lesson: Connection Before Correction

I used to believe that structure and discipline came first—that if I could just manage responsibilities well, everything else would fall into place.

But the truth is, kids thrive when they feel emotionally secure.

✔ A child who feels heard will be more willing to listen to you.
✔ A child who feels valued will be more confident in expressing themselves.
✔ A child who trusts their parent will come to them with their problems, instead of hiding them.

I stopped focusing so much on "getting things done" and started focusing on being present.

Because at the end of the day, no child remembers how perfectly their parents managed routines—but they do remember how their parents made them feel.

📌 Want a better approach to parenting? Read 5 Parenting Lessons That Make Life Easier.

🔹 Quick Self-Check: Are You Prioritizing Connection?

Take a moment to ask yourself:

✔ Do I stop and listen when my child speaks, even when I am busy?
✔ Do I spend time talking to my child about emotions, not just tasks?
✔ Does my child feel comfortable sharing worries and fears with me?

If you answered no to any of these, it is not too late. Small changes can make a big difference.

🔹 Final Takeaway

Children need love and structure. But love comes first.

At the end of the day, kids may forget the rules we enforced, but they will always remember how we made them feel. Parenting is not about getting everything right—it is about making sure our children feel loved, valued, and understood.

📌 Want to explore more parenting insights?

 

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