What No One Told Me About Parenting a Strong-Willed Child
Parenting a strong-willed child is like trying to fold a fitted sheet. Frustrating. Messy. And no matter how hard you try, it never turns out the way you planned.
When my son, Umair, was born, I was ready for sleepless nights, diaper changes, and tantrums. But nothing prepared me for his sheer willpower.
By two, he had mastered negotiation. By three, he could out-stubborn a mule.
If you are reading this, I know you get it. Maybe you have Googled “how to handle a strong-willed child” more times than you would like to admit. Maybe you have cried in the bathroom after a long, exhausting day. Maybe you have questioned if you are doing it all wrong.
Let me tell you this: you are not alone.
And while I am no expert, I have learned a few things. Things I wish I had known sooner.
👉 Struggling with power struggles? How I Stopped Yelling and Finally Enjoyed Parenting
What Makes a Child Strong-Willed?
Before I had Umair, I thought strong-willed kids were just difficult. Spoiled. I would see a child throwing a tantrum in the grocery store and think, If that were my kid, I would never let that happen.
Oh, how naïve I was.
The Truth About Strong-Willed Kids
- They are not “bad.” They are passionate, independent thinkers who question everything.
- They have a strong sense of fairness and do not give in easily.
- They stick to their principles, even when it would be easier to comply.
Umair once refused to wear his rain boots because they did not match his outfit. At the time, I thought it was ridiculous. But looking back, I realized something. He was not being difficult. He was expressing himself.
And that is something I actually want to encourage.
The Biggest Parenting Mistake I Made
I used to believe that strong-willed kids need to be “broken.” That if I just disciplined Umair enough, he would fall in line.
Spoiler alert: It did not work.
What I have learned is that strong-willed kids do not need to be broken. They need to be understood.
👉 Want to discipline without breaking their spirit? Balanced Discipline for Positive Growth
What Works (and What Does Not) When Parenting a Strong-Willed Child
Over the years, I have tried just about every parenting strategy under the sun. Some worked. Some backfired.
What Works:
1️⃣ Pick Your Battles
Not every hill is worth dying on. If Umair wants to wear mismatched socks or eat cereal for dinner, I let it go. Save your energy for the big stuff.
2️⃣ Give Them Choices
Strong-willed kids crave control. Instead of saying, “Put on your shoes,” I say, “Do you want to wear the red shoes or the blue shoes?”
3️⃣ Stay Calm
Yelling only escalates the situation. When I stay calm, Umair is more likely to de-escalate too.
4️⃣ Celebrate Their Strengths
Strong-willed kids are natural leaders. They are creative, determined, and passionate. Instead of focusing on the challenges, celebrate these qualities.
👉 Related: How to Communicate Effectively with Your Child
What Does Not Work:
❌ Power Struggles
Trying to out-stubborn a strong-willed child is a losing battle. Trust me, I have tried.
❌ Punishment Without Explanation
Strong-willed kids need to understand “why.” If they see a punishment as unfair, it will only fuel their resistance.
❌ Ignoring Their Feelings
Saying things like “You are fine” or “Stop crying” only makes things worse. Acknowledging their emotions helps defuse conflicts faster.
👉 Related: The Secret to Raising Confident and Resilient Children
The Funniest (and Hardest) Moments I Faced
Parenting a strong-willed child is equal parts hilarious and exhausting.
Moments That Made Me Laugh (or Cry):
😂 When Umair was four, he climbed a tree at the park. I told him it was too high and he might fall. He looked me straight in the eye and said, "Mom, I am not asking for permission. I am telling you what I am going to do."
🥒 He refused to eat anything green for six months. I tried everything—bribes, threats, hiding veggies. Nothing worked. Then, one day, out of nowhere, he announced, “I think I will try a cucumber today.” Just like that, the green food strike was over.
🛒 The time he had a full-blown meltdown in the middle of Target because I would not buy him a ₹50 toy.
👉 Related: 5 Parenting Lessons That Make Life Easier
My Best Advice for Parents in the Same Boat
If you are parenting a strong-willed child, here is what I want you to know.
1️⃣ You Are Not Alone
It is easy to feel like you are the only one struggling, but millions of parents get it.
2️⃣ It Is Not Your Fault
You did not “cause” your child to be strong-willed. It is just who they are. And honestly? It is kind of amazing.
3️⃣ Take Care of Yourself
Parenting a strong-willed child is exhausting. Take time for yourself, even if it is just five minutes with a cup of coffee in peace.
4️⃣ Remember: This Too Shall Pass
The tantrums, power struggles, and endless negotiations will not last forever. One day, you will look back and laugh.
Final Thoughts
Parenting a strong-willed child is not easy. But it is also one of the most rewarding experiences in the world.
There are days when you will want to scream. There are days when you will cry. But there will also be days when you will stand in awe of your child’s determination, creativity, and spirit.
Right now, it might feel impossible. But you are stronger than you think.
☕ Breathe. Feel the warmth of your coffee in your hands. Let the tension melt away.
You have got this.
👉 What is your funniest or hardest moment with your strong-willed child? Share your story in the comments—I would love to hear it!
📖 Want more parenting insights? Check out:
📚 Books by Shabnum
🔹 Amazon India: Upgrade Your Parenting: 7 Modern Solutions with Indian Wisdom
🔹 Amazon.com: Upgrade Your Parenting: 7 Modern Solutions with Indian Wisdom
FAQs: Understanding and Parenting a Strong-Willed Child
1. How do I parent a strong-willed child without losing my temper?
It starts with staying calm. I know how hard that can be when your child is testing every limit. But yelling does not work with a strong-willed child—it only adds fuel. Instead, pause. Speak gently. Offer choices. Let them feel respected, not controlled. The more we respond with calm, the more they learn to do the same.
2. What are the signs of a strong-willed child?
Strong-willed children are determined, sensitive, and full of energy. They know what they want. They ask questions. They push back. They feel deeply and think deeply. These traits can feel exhausting in the moment, but they are also the foundation of strength, confidence, and leadership when nurtured with love.
3. Are strong-willed children more intelligent?
Many are. They notice details. They want to understand everything. They ask “why” not to argue, but to make sense of the world. This curiosity can feel like defiance—but it is often intelligence asking for direction. When we guide with patience, their strong will turns into independent thinking and creative problem-solving.