Why I Stopped Trying to Be a ‘Perfect Parent’ (And You Should Too)
I used to believe that good parenting meant perfection.
I thought if I just did everything right, my son would eat all his
vegetables, sleep on time, and grow up into a well-adjusted adult who never
threw tantrums in the middle of a supermarket.
I imagined a picture-perfect home—peaceful mornings,
structured days, and a child who listened the first time I spoke. No yelling.
No mess. No stress.
Then I actually became a parent.
And I realized that perfection is a myth.
The Stress of Trying to Be a ‘Perfect’ Parent
In the early years, I was obsessed with doing everything the
right way.
I followed parenting books like they were sacred texts. I
tried feeding schedules, strict routines, and all the latest expert-approved
techniques. I even attempted screen-free parenting (spoiler: it lasted
exactly three days).
But instead of feeling accomplished, I was stressed,
exhausted, and constantly second-guessing myself.
I spent hours preparing nutritionally perfect meals,
only for my son to declare, "I do not like green food!" and
push the plate away. I tried gentle discipline, but some days, no amount
of calm reasoning could stop a meltdown. I thought a strict bedtime routine
would fix everything, yet some nights felt like a battle I was destined to
lose.
I compared myself to other parents—especially the ones who
seemed to have it all together. (They probably did not, but Instagram sure made
it look that way.)
Every mistake felt like proof that I was failing.
The Moment I Realized Perfection Was Impossible
One evening, I found myself on the kitchen floor. Not
because I tripped. Not because I was playing. But because I was defeated.
That night, I had spent an hour making a homemade,
sugar-free, vegetable-packed meal. My son looked at it and said, "I
want noodles." I tried everything—encouragement, negotiation, even
bribery (yes, I caved). But he refused to eat.
After an hour of frustration, I gave up. I made instant
noodles. He happily slurped them up, looked at me, and said, "You are
the best, Amma."
I just sat there and laughed.
At that moment, I realized something: I was trying way
too hard.
Parenting is messy. Kids test limits. There will be
tantrums, spilled food, lost patience, and unfinished to-do lists. And that
is okay.
Why the Idea of a "Perfect Parent" is a Trap
Society tells us that if we follow the right rules, we can
raise a perfect child. But the truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all
approach to parenting.
Here is why trying to be a perfect parent actually
makes things harder:
1. It Creates Unnecessary Guilt
Every time we lose our patience, we feel guilty. Every time
our child misbehaves, we feel responsible. But kids are not robots—they have
emotions, bad days, and moments of frustration. Being a good parent is not
about being perfect—it is about being present.
2. It Makes Parenting Feel Like a Test
There is no final grade for parenting. No one is going to
hand us a certificate saying, "Congratulations, you did everything
right!" Parenting is a journey, not a competition.
3. It Ignores the Fact That Every Child is Different
Some kids thrive on routines. Some do not. Some are
naturally independent. Some need more guidance. Good parenting is about
adapting to your child, not forcing a method that does not work.
What I Do Now Instead (And Why I Am Happier)
Letting go of perfection changed everything. Instead of
following strict parenting rules, I started trusting myself.
1. I Focus on Connection, Not Control
I used to think good parenting meant my child always
listening. But I realized connection is more important than control.
I stopped expecting my son to follow every rule perfectly.
Instead, I focused on understanding him better. I learned that effective communication is more valuable than strict
discipline.
Now, when he refuses to put on shoes, I do not get into a
power struggle. I give choices. “Do you want to wear your red shoes or blue
ones?” It works most of the time.
2. I Accept That Screen Time is Not the Enemy
I used to feel guilty about letting my son watch TV. I
imagined it would melt his brain and ruin his future. Then I realized balance
is key.
Now, I follow a healthy approach to screen time instead of banning it
altogether. Some days, he watches cartoons. Other days, we do puzzles together.
No guilt, no stress.
3. I Teach Resilience Instead of Preventing Every
Struggle
I used to jump in and solve every little problem. I would
tie his shoes before he even tried. I would carry his school bag when he
complained it was "too heavy."
Now, I focus on raising a confident and resilient child. I let him
struggle a little. I let him get frustrated. I let him fail.
And the most amazing thing? He figures things out. He
ties his own shoes. He carries his own bag. He learns that he is capable.
4. I Embrace Balanced Discipline
I no longer try to control every situation. Instead of
getting frustrated, I use balanced discipline—firm when needed, flexible when
possible.
If he refuses to clean up his toys, I do not lecture him. I
make it a game. "Let us see who can pick up the most toys in one
minute!" It works better than yelling.
5. I Laugh More and Stress Less
When things go wrong (and they often do), I laugh.
Like the time my son declared he was "allergic to
homework." Or when he told a guest that I sometimes eat chocolate in
secret.
These moments remind me that parenting is not about
perfection—it is about love, patience, and a good sense of humor.
My Message to Every Parent Trying Too Hard
If you are feeling overwhelmed, breathe. You do not
have to be perfect.
- Your
child does not need perfection. They need love, patience, and a parent
who is present.
- You
will make mistakes. That does not mean you are failing.
- Other
parents are struggling too. Even the ones who look perfect from the
outside.
Take what works for you. Ignore the rest.
Want to Make Parenting Easier?
Check out 5 Parenting Lessons That Make Life Easier—it is full of
tips I wish I had known sooner.
Or explore my book Upgrade Your Parenting: 7 Modern Solutions with Indian Wisdom
for practical, real-life parenting advice.
📚 More Parenting
Insights:
Parenting is not about getting everything right. It is about showing up, doing your best, and enjoying the little moments along the way.