Why I Stopped Trying to Be a ‘Perfect Parent’ (And You Should Too)

Parent looking thoughtful and relaxed, representing the journey of letting go of being a ‘perfect parent’ and embracing real, balanced parenting.


Why I Stopped Trying to Be a ‘Perfect Parent’ (And You Should Too)

I used to believe that good parenting meant perfection. I thought if I just did everything right, my son would eat all his vegetables, sleep on time, and grow up into a well-adjusted adult who never threw tantrums in the middle of a supermarket.

I imagined a picture-perfect home—peaceful mornings, structured days, and a child who listened the first time I spoke. No yelling. No mess. No stress.

Then I actually became a parent.

And I realized that perfection is a myth.

The Stress of Trying to Be a ‘Perfect’ Parent

In the early years, I was obsessed with doing everything the right way.

I followed parenting books like they were sacred texts. I tried feeding schedules, strict routines, and all the latest expert-approved techniques. I even attempted screen-free parenting (spoiler: it lasted exactly three days).

But instead of feeling accomplished, I was stressed, exhausted, and constantly second-guessing myself.

I spent hours preparing nutritionally perfect meals, only for my son to declare, "I do not like green food!" and push the plate away. I tried gentle discipline, but some days, no amount of calm reasoning could stop a meltdown. I thought a strict bedtime routine would fix everything, yet some nights felt like a battle I was destined to lose.

I compared myself to other parents—especially the ones who seemed to have it all together. (They probably did not, but Instagram sure made it look that way.)

Every mistake felt like proof that I was failing.

The Moment I Realized Perfection Was Impossible

One evening, I found myself on the kitchen floor. Not because I tripped. Not because I was playing. But because I was defeated.

That night, I had spent an hour making a homemade, sugar-free, vegetable-packed meal. My son looked at it and said, "I want noodles." I tried everything—encouragement, negotiation, even bribery (yes, I caved). But he refused to eat.

After an hour of frustration, I gave up. I made instant noodles. He happily slurped them up, looked at me, and said, "You are the best, Amma."

I just sat there and laughed.

At that moment, I realized something: I was trying way too hard.

Parenting is messy. Kids test limits. There will be tantrums, spilled food, lost patience, and unfinished to-do lists. And that is okay.

Why the Idea of a "Perfect Parent" is a Trap

Society tells us that if we follow the right rules, we can raise a perfect child. But the truth is, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.

Here is why trying to be a perfect parent actually makes things harder:

1. It Creates Unnecessary Guilt

Every time we lose our patience, we feel guilty. Every time our child misbehaves, we feel responsible. But kids are not robots—they have emotions, bad days, and moments of frustration. Being a good parent is not about being perfect—it is about being present.

2. It Makes Parenting Feel Like a Test

There is no final grade for parenting. No one is going to hand us a certificate saying, "Congratulations, you did everything right!" Parenting is a journey, not a competition.

3. It Ignores the Fact That Every Child is Different

Some kids thrive on routines. Some do not. Some are naturally independent. Some need more guidance. Good parenting is about adapting to your child, not forcing a method that does not work.

What I Do Now Instead (And Why I Am Happier)

Letting go of perfection changed everything. Instead of following strict parenting rules, I started trusting myself.

1. I Focus on Connection, Not Control

I used to think good parenting meant my child always listening. But I realized connection is more important than control.

I stopped expecting my son to follow every rule perfectly. Instead, I focused on understanding him better. I learned that effective communication is more valuable than strict discipline.

Now, when he refuses to put on shoes, I do not get into a power struggle. I give choices. “Do you want to wear your red shoes or blue ones?” It works most of the time.

2. I Accept That Screen Time is Not the Enemy

I used to feel guilty about letting my son watch TV. I imagined it would melt his brain and ruin his future. Then I realized balance is key.

Now, I follow a healthy approach to screen time instead of banning it altogether. Some days, he watches cartoons. Other days, we do puzzles together. No guilt, no stress.

3. I Teach Resilience Instead of Preventing Every Struggle

I used to jump in and solve every little problem. I would tie his shoes before he even tried. I would carry his school bag when he complained it was "too heavy."

Now, I focus on raising a confident and resilient child. I let him struggle a little. I let him get frustrated. I let him fail.

And the most amazing thing? He figures things out. He ties his own shoes. He carries his own bag. He learns that he is capable.

4. I Embrace Balanced Discipline

I no longer try to control every situation. Instead of getting frustrated, I use balanced discipline—firm when needed, flexible when possible.

If he refuses to clean up his toys, I do not lecture him. I make it a game. "Let us see who can pick up the most toys in one minute!" It works better than yelling.

5. I Laugh More and Stress Less

When things go wrong (and they often do), I laugh.

Like the time my son declared he was "allergic to homework." Or when he told a guest that I sometimes eat chocolate in secret.

These moments remind me that parenting is not about perfection—it is about love, patience, and a good sense of humor.

My Message to Every Parent Trying Too Hard

If you are feeling overwhelmed, breathe. You do not have to be perfect.

  • Your child does not need perfection. They need love, patience, and a parent who is present.
  • You will make mistakes. That does not mean you are failing.
  • Other parents are struggling too. Even the ones who look perfect from the outside.

Take what works for you. Ignore the rest.

Want to Make Parenting Easier?

Check out 5 Parenting Lessons That Make Life Easier—it is full of tips I wish I had known sooner.

Or explore my book Upgrade Your Parenting: 7 Modern Solutions with Indian Wisdom for practical, real-life parenting advice.

📚 More Parenting Insights:

Parenting is not about getting everything right. It is about showing up, doing your best, and enjoying the little moments along the way. 

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